A great post by a good friend of mine. She has fantastic insights so check her out and let her know what you think.

Doree Weller

Happy Halloween, people!  It’s my most favorite holiday.  What’s not to like?  Costumes, candy, people acting ridiculous and the more ridiculous, the better.

I love horror movies and horror stories, but very little scares me.  I seldom get that lovely shot of adrenaline.  Even in haunted houses, I mostly just laugh.  A few years ago, I went to a haunted house with a friend who doesn’t do “horror.”  She told me afterward (after she screamed and bruised my arm with her iron grip) that her brain shuts off and she no longer “thinks” about how it isn’t real.  My brain never does that.  My brain always knows it isn’t real and probably couldn’t happen.

There are some movies that scared me though: The Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity, and Rec.  I almost liked The Ring until (SPOILER ALERT)  the bad guy turned out to be a kid.  I mean, seriously??

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Cold Nights and Nightmares

Almost 24 hours without power. The house was dark, cold, and damp. My back was killing me, and it will be worse now that there’s heat. I spent most of last night walking the neighborhood in the rain and wind. With nothing to distract me my thoughts kept going down very dark paths and I needed to do something to keep together. Walking the streets alone in the storm didn’t really help with that though, it made it worse in some ways.

Cold and wet with wind pulling my coat just drove it home how alone I was. At one point I was sitting on the steps of some building with the rain washing the tears from my face. I’m just so tired of it all. Not having a steady job, not being able to support myself, constant pain, facing eviction, not knowing where I’m going to go, it’s just all too much. I wish I could just go to sleep, wake up, and have this all be just a nightmare.

Donations Wanted

Ok, so I’m not actually asking for donations. That was suggested to me but I’d feel like I was begging and while I’m not opposed to asking for help I won’t beg for money. I have a “skills assessment test” on Monday and I’m positive it will result in immediately starting a job, but I don’t know if it’s soon enough. The best option for getting things right in my life right now as far as housing goes is being able to get the foreclosed home around the corner. It would cost less to get into that house than an apartment and the cost of maintaining it would be lower so I’d have no fear of losing my housing again. It would also allow me to help out family and close friends in need once I had myself stabilized completely and that wouldn’t take long with the low total cost of my housing.

Down payment, taxes, transfer, etc would be $2500 and the mortgage, taxes, and utilities would be easily manageable even on what I get on unemployment but at the price it is I don’t expect it to stay on the market long enough for me to get it unless I either start this job Monday and get A LOT of overtime right from the start or someone comes along and helps me get it. I don’t expect to be lucky enough to have either happen.

Another advantage of getting the house is my cats. I have five beautiful baby kitties, may be inheriting a sixth, and with a house rather than an apartment they’d have plenty of room to spread out and have their own space. They could run and play, get more exercise, lay claim to their own windows for getting sun, and in general just be happier and healthier. They’re my life, I need to do the best for them that I can and in this case doing the best for them is also doing the best for me. That’s a rare occurrence in my life.

Normally when I do what’s best for others it’s the worst possible thing for me and it has never led to good things for me. I have always ended up losing what I had and finding myself in worse shape than those I’d helped had been with nobody there to help me. Granted my kitties can only help me in limited ways but those ways are exactly what I need in my life and the fact that they do it just by loving their Daddy and simply being in my life makes it that much more important. The biggest way they help is simply by giving me a reason to keep fighting rather than falling into my head and giving up.

So I’m trying to get together $2500 as fast as possible. I’m confident I’ll get this job, I’m looking for side work for more income even if it ends up just being my pocket money so I can put more of my paychecks in the bank, I’m looking for options on other legal ways to make money, and I’m trying to keep my expenses as minimal as possible. That means I eat once a day, I don’t have any recreational activities other than walking around my neighborhood and planning my necessary errands to allow me to meet up with some local CB’ers, and watching whatever waste of time shows are on TV.

Donations? Not really, I’m doing what I can to get what I need. I’ve jokingly considered setting up a donation box but the “Buy My Babies a Cat House” fund is just something to make me smile a little.

Sleeping in a Saturn

I was given a notice to vacate, its the first step in the eviction process. I get less than $140/wk from unemployment, I have no prospects for a job right now, nothing in the bank, and nowhere else to go. If I am not out by Oct 26 eviction proceedings begin. I’ve contacted an organization that provides legal service to the poor and may be able to get an attorney at no cost through them, if not I face the eviction alone.

I have 5 cats who are my life, they’re all I have and they’re why I care whether or not I have a place to live. I may end up with a 6th because his cat may become mine since he hasn’t even lived in the house for the last year and doesn’t bother with either of his animals. I have a small car that we’d all have to live in. Winter is coming. I have reason to need to remain in the neighborhood I’m in now. It’s the one I grew up in, the only one that’s ever been home, the one that contains the memories and good feelings that help me deal with my depression issues so I can keep fighting to make my life better.

I need a job. I need one now. I need a good paying one. It doesn’t need to be kings wages, just enough to get a small place. A one bedroom apartment is all I need. I’m not looking for a grand palace, just a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room.

I need to catch a break. Since finding the letter yesterday I’ve been on the verge of tears constantly but I know if I start crying I may not be able to stop. If anyone reading this prays, please give a moments thought to my babies Calicat Jackie, Lynx, Ninjai, Paradox, and Lilly, the possible addition to the family Baby, and their Daddy.

Armor and Princesses

Woke up Friday morning at 8am, it’s now after 3am Monday and in the last 67 hours I’ve gotten 10, maybe 12 hours of broke up sleep. One hour here, another hour there, but nothing solid. My dreams keep me from sleeping peacefully, they cause me to cry in my sleep, and those tears wake me often enough that I’m starting to consider it normal to wake up with a damp pillow and tears on my cheeks. I try to lay down, to get some sleep, but fear of my dreams keeps me awake. Over the last year and a half I’ve gotten used to less than 5 hours of sleep a day. I’ve even kind of gotten used to it being broken up. Im used to being tired almost all the time. I don’t like it, I wish it would change, but I don’t expect it to.

More and more I find myself wishing there was someone in my life. Someone I could call, talk to, a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I wish I could ask someone to just hold me, to talk to me till I fall asleep, to let me fall asleep in her arms and if I cry in my sleep to just hold me a little tighter and whisper in my ear so I know I’m not alone. Even if it didn’t help me sleep, having someone I can trust like that and let my guard down with, someone I can show my pain and weakness to would help me manage it because it would give me the strength to be just as strong for her when she’s in need as she is for me when I am.

Whether she’s just a friend or more, I need my princess to come into my life, don my armor, and keep me safe in her arms for a while so that I can be the knight she deserves.

A close friend of mine posted this, and having met a few Sikhs in my life, it is something I feel needs to be shared. The strength of character shown by the woman who was photographed, and then by the person who took the picture restores a little of my faith in humanity.

Doree Weller

I admit it; sometimes I’m not as kind as I want to be.

I see a lot of odd and sad stuff in my job, and as part of what I do, most of us use black humor to deal with our job. I’m a connoisseur of the weird, the wacky, and the downright bizarre.

I came across <a href="http://jezebel.com/5946643/reddit-users-attempt-to-shame-sikh-woman-get-righteously-schooled”>this article the other day, about a man who covertly took a picture of a Sikh woman and posted it on Reddit to ridicule her. The photo shows someone who is obviously a woman in a turban, but with facial hair. If I had come across this woman, I can guarantee that I wouldn’t have photographed her and posted it, but I’m not sure what I would have thought.

I have a friend who was ridiculed in high school for her dark hair on her arms and face. It was…

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